Maybe I was in my head when I started typing this week’s blog post, or maybe I was influenced by Jhene Aiko’s “From Time” playing in the background because “Who you settling for, who’s better for you than ya girl?” Lol. Listen, I’m fucking with you. Or am I? Okay, let me get serious. Happy Daylight Savings my loves !! Today is a day to be celebrated okay?! We have officially made it through another year of dark, dreary days and seasonal depression. Brighter and better days are ahead of us and I couldn’t be more excited. It’s just something about the sunlight that boosts my mood. The sunlight literally takes me from 0-100 in a millisecond. No exaggeration. Spring and summer are my seasons (hold the allergies) and I am so pumped to be heading into them in the coming weeks. Now that I’ve gotten my curated intro out of the way, let’s chat. I woke up today with a certain question on my heart and reached out to my niece to chat about it as she is someone that I know who has recently experienced what I’m currently battling. So let’s discuss boundaries during the rebuilding of friendships. Because ya girl is struggling and it’s ghetto here at the moment. Because WHY YOU BEING WEIRD TO ME?! Nothing was the same. No matter how much you try to get the connection back to some sort of normalcy, or out of a space of awkwardness. It still feels weird as fuck. It’s like yikes, how did we end up here? It’s a feeling that I dread. It feels forced, uncomfortable, and unsettling. It’s like a period of walking on eggshells mixed with a ego trip. Your best friend, your go to person, from ace boon coon to fucking stranger. I can tell you this, it won’t feel this way forever, but in order to get through it, you have to allow this period of discomfort to pass on it’s own. Boundaries. That’s the keyword here. No matter how much time has passed between the two of you, you are not in the same place in life as you once were. Growth has happened, healing has taken place, life has ran it’s course. We are not the same. This is where the awkwardness is coming from. It’s like trying to force a puzzle piece to fit in a space that it doesn’t below. It will never work. At times, situations are able to be continued where they were last left at, but not always. Sometimes, a restart is needed. Don’t be afraid to start over. This time you’re not starting from scratch, you’re starting from experience. Embrace the new beginning. Fear of the unknown will always have us in a chokehold, but we cannot let that cripple us and scare us from the comfort that we are trying to get back to. After the morning chit chat with my niece, I called up my good sis Yiesha and continued the dialogue. Bottom line, get out your feelings and your head and get in your bag. Lol, let me stop being silly. In all seriousness, I just had to realize that this process may take a little longer than usual to move out of this specific phase. When someone is removed out of your daily routine, out of your life in general, fitting them back in can get complicated. After all, you’ve both probably have created a new routine and could care less to give the individual that kind of access to you again and that’s understood. Boundaries. It’s always good to let things flow. To the chin, never to the heart is my go to phrase. Because I know that none of this is meant purposely, but as precaution and protection of being hurt yet again. At the end of the day, I can only be me. We have this thing of trying to control outcomes that we have absolutely no control over. I can only control my own actions, there is nothing that I can do when it comes to how the other individual chooses to deal with me or the rebuilding of our relationship. I can only accept it, respect it, or move along. You cannot expect others to treat you the way that you treat them. Some people just don’t have it in them and that is totally fine. I have ego, I have pride, and yes, there are times when I pop my shit and say “You know what, I’m not reaching out first again because……” and we’re human so that’s definently understandable. But I know at the end of the day, that really isn’t me. There isn’t a soul walking this earth that can stop me from being the genuine, kindhearted, loving individual that I am. I’m a lover, and I’ll always be. If I would normally send you positive morning messages, send random zelle or cash-apps for breakfast or lunch, for flowers, then I’ll continue to do so. That’s just me. You being stiff with me is a defense mechanism and it has nothing to do with me. That’s a battle that you have to work on for yourself. I’ve been there. I’ve healed there. Change your language to “What if it does work out” instead of focusing and preparing for it not to. Believe in possibilities. Think of the best case scenario and not the worst. Refraining your mind will lift you higher out of the overthinking, stress, and worry of negative habitual thoughts. Change starts with your mindset. Shift it. Switch it. This message here applies to anything in life that’s currently having you feel discouraged or worried. Sometimes starting over is necessary and a good thing. Don’t be afraid to. So, although nothing was the same, let’s cheers to new beginnings. #blackgirlblog #womeninmedicine #publichealth #sheshed #diaryofablackgirl #healthcare

Sunday March 6, 2022. 9:39 AM. I’m sitting up in bed with one of my favorite Kompa songs playing in the background, Maddix is snoring as if he worked 14 hours straight yesterday, I have about 32 tabs open on my Macbook and somehow ya girl is still filled with complete peace. This here is a blessing. Because this time last Sunday, I was in shambles and even that is an understatement. If you don’t know, last Sunday kicked off session one of The She-Shed. I just knew that I’d wake up super positive and excited about the upcoming evening with my girls, but it was the total opposite. I was having a complete meltdown. I could not shake the negative energy that was attached to me. No amount of prayer, venting, crying or meditating was working. Listen, just thinking about it gives me chills because I really don’t know what any of that was about. Last week was such a monumental weekend for me to say the very least. I passed my NYS certification exam to practice as a Scientist within the state, I celebrated one of my best friend’s 31st birthday, I launched a platform that my heart beats daily for. So many good things wrapped up into an amazing 72 hours. But the negative was beating the shit out of the positive and ya girl was too stunned to speak. (Lol, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t include a TikTok reference in my writing). I remember preparing for my evening on autopilot. I showered, applied my makeup and curled my hair. I got a call to come downstairs where I was then gifted two bottles of my absolute favorite wine blend, a beautiful floral arrangement and to top it off, my favorite Chinese food plate. Like if I’m God’s favorite then please just say that lol. The level of attentiveness that one has to possess to really understand and be of assistance to me is top of the line. This man knew just how important this day was for me and he delivered. He wished me an amazing launch day and basically told me to relax, that I got this and the world is my playground. I hung on to those words for dear life and ran with it. Forever grateful for a soul like his. I have some really amazing men in my life and I am forever grateful. The night was a huge success. Filled with laughter, tears, women being completely exposed and vulnerable in front of complete strangers, wine, alcohol and weed lol. If I had no idea what my life purpose was before this night, I for damn sure knew by the end of our zoom session. God gave me a huge assignment, but I’m making this shit look very easy. 2022 is NOT my “Win in private” year. I’m bragging. I’m posting all of my victories, everything good that happens to me (outside of my love life lol, ya’ll know better than that). Posting it all, and it isn’t my concern who doesn’t like it. I refuse to water myself down to make me digestible for others to tolerate me. Please, CHOKE ! We have to get out of the habit of being confined to our “norm”. Fully immense yourself into this new version of you. Whatever that may look like. You deserve all of the beautiful things, so position yourself to see that. “Eternal Sunshine” by Jhene Aiko just started playing and all I hear is “Is it strange for me to say that if I were to die today, there’s not a thing that I would change, I’ve lived well”. Whewwwwww. Listen, this life shit is beautiful. It’s all about perspective. Learning to fall in love with every bit of yourself is growth that I wish on every woman I’m definently giving myself the credit that I deserve today. I’ve come a very long way. Although I’m not exactly who I want to be yet, I do know that I’ve been making the right decisions to help get me to that place. My prayers, my therapy, my journaling, my soul journey, my transparency are all daily practices and a pivotal part of the Lala that you experience today. Session two of The She-Shed kicks off tonight and I am so happy to have waken up with so much clarity and positive energy. I feel so damn good. I cannot wait to log in tonight and see my girls. To hear about their weekend, and just what’s on their mind in general. I was really made for this shit. So, here’s to living a soft, beautiful, fulfilled and luxurious. Champagne for dinner, for life. #blackgirlblog #womeninmedicine #publichealth #sheshed #medicine #tiktok

I remember when this shit was just an idea. Like so many other business ventures, outrageous goals, career decisions, like so many other ideas that I’ve had float around in my mind. Many left unexecuted. I remember this shit like it was yesterday. I woke up one morning in early 2021, face-timed my man and excitedly told him my idea, I mean laid it all out. The idea, the blueprint, the vision, the end goal, every single detail. I sat and listened to his feedback and I was so thankful, so grateful for his input, his encouraging words. My idea, although it was so big, it felt so attainable, because it was. I had the vision, I had the willpower to take an idea and run with it, and I did. On March 7, 2021, The She-Shed was born. My pride and joy, my baby. From that day forward, I remember researching, brainstorming exactly what I wanted to be created from this vision of mine. I would bounce my ideas off on my partner, family members and friends, I would accept all of the constructive criticism and built my platform upon that foundation that was being created between myself and my village. The entire purpose of The She-Shed was to create a safe space to allow women to be their unapologetic selves. To speak, to cry, to be happy without restrictions. I remember the day I wrote the very first mission statement for The She-Shed in the notes on my phone. How good did I do? (Read below duhhh lol) The She-Shed is a space designed and cultivated for women by women. The purpose of this entity is to create a safe space for women to allow themselves to be vulnerable and expressive in the presence of others like themselves. A space where we can all be unapologetically free, at peace and grow. The She-shed is just that, “She”, as in us as women, shedding the layers that scale us back daily. Self-doubt, imposter syndrome, racism, mental health disparities, being BLACK, but more than anything, being Black women. This space was created for us as a village to participate in the journey of healing, not only ourselves but together. Who ever said life had to be lived alone? It takes a village, and this right here is the journey to our tribe and sisterhood. I’m not sure just how much you know me, but if you are a reader that actually knows me, then you know just how important family and friendship is to me. I’ve always been a popular girl. I’ve always had many friends and associates. I remember being the “go to” friend and relative for years. Everyone would come to me for advice, to run ideas by me, to vent. I was that girl. It’s funny because although I was that girl for so many people, I always felt like I never had anyone to be that person for me. Until I found my therapist. Before finding him, I did have my partner to vent to, and he was just as awesome to talk to, I also had a few friends that I knew I could call and dump my shit on, but that was so unhealthy. I knew that it was but so much longer that I could continue doing this because energy transfers and I could end up causing harm to their space and soul if I continued on. I’ve ventured through many forms of therapy before I settled into what now works for me. My therapist suggested journal writing early on in our sessions because he realized how easy it was for me to express myself through words and writing. The idea behind this new project being a journal club stemmed from my own personal experience with therapy. During the duration of the She-Shed, we will meet every Sunday for 5 weeks. I will send out journal prompts/ writing assignments early on in the week and once we meet on our designated day, we will share our writing in a judgement free, safe and positive environment. How fucking peaceful and anxiety free does that sound? Oh yea, let’s not forget the wine requirement lol. Everyone was highly encouraged to pour a glass of their favorite wine for the session. I keep teasing everyone saying the wine proof should be 14% or higher or it doesn’t count. Now I’m a big dog so 14% or higher is needed for me to loosen up but I can’t speak for others. Lol Women need other women in their lives who think they are a BIG DEAL. NO competition, NO backhanded comments, NO jealousy, NO hate. Just “I love you, I support you, and there is no one on earth like you” kind of energy. So here I am, bringing all of this and more to the lives of women near and dear to me. We are ONE WEEK from the date of launch for this project and I couldn’t be more excited. Nearly one year to the date of what was once an idea, has now began to blossom. I cannot wait for the FULL BLOOM. I’d like to thank any and everyone who poured into my cup, who listened to my many rants, who believed in this vision when it was just a mustard seed. Thank you. I appreciate you. Black women have been conditioned to be everything to everyone, prioritizing and catering to the needs of others while neglecting our own, but we’re about to change all of that. Welcome to the village. Let’s make history together. One session at a time. #publichealth #sheshed #mentalhealth #medicine #blackwoman #futuredoctor

These days, ya girl is a walking Tiktok compilation. I promise you, there’s a funny ass video or two for every issue in life you’re currently going through. When I was coming up with the theme for todays post, I bust out laughing while shouting “I gotta put me first Lucious !! I gotta put me first !!” Because why not? That video is an excellent depiction of what I’m trying to summarize in this writing. It’s all about ME. Issa Rae couldn’t have given us this “Me Season” mantra at a better time. Because honestly 2022 has started off as a year dedicated to healing, growing, rediscovering, supporting, prioritizing and focusing on ME. I know how selfish this may sound but honestly, I can care less because why the fuck should I? When you spend years people pleasing, remaining selfless to put others before you and neglecting yourself in the process, deciding to focus on yourself seems like a life long vacation and doesn’t that sound really good at the moment? As I stroll deeper into my 31st year, I can feel a ton of pressure from others to prioritize family planning. “When are you planning to have a baby?”, “When are you getting married?”, “When are you buying a house?”. All while I feel like I am in the early stages of prime ME time. I am FINALLY getting comfortable in the rediscovery of self. I don’t even know when it’ll never not feel like it’s Me Season again. Please pump your breaks and mind your manners when it comes to the uterus of others, the relationship status of others, and certainly the financial status of others. This is very uncouth of individuals to even care about the lives of those who are choosing themselves. I really hope that God gives these individuals some business of their own so they can stay out of ours lol. As I navigate through this year of me I have been highlighting self-care at the top of my list time and time again. For myself, self care is deeper than luxury and aesthetics. Self care is more than just Netflix and naps. (Although I love me a good adult naps. I wanna be a nap lol ) Self care is about being gentle with yourself, giving yourself grace and holding space for yourself to undo the subconscious programs that keep you “tied up”. It’s about doing things that allow you to decompress and relax your nervous system because that is so important. When you’re constantly in fight or flight mode you’re not in your body. You aren’t present. It’s hard to heal if your mind is making you run, jump, skip and hop in 5 seconds then repeat. Self care is PEACE. Which is why the activities that you choose to fulfill are so important for you, but it goes so much deeper than that. Creating a safe space to be fully present with yourself is what self care is about. Giving yourself permission to do things you’ve never been able to do before is soul healing. Adopting a healthy self care routine is stabilizing. It allows you to lay the foundation to work on deeper subconscious programs that once held you hostage from enjoying yourself. Self care is about returning back to the true essence of you. Who you were before the programming. Self care isn’t just vibes and escapism. Self care isn’t excessive shopping when you haven’t paid your bills yet. Self care is self accountability and discipline. Self care is an essential part of my life as it is necessary for me to shower myself with love, attention, happiness and peace which all promotes a healthy healing journey within myself. As part of my self care routine, I enjoy: Traveling, whether domestic or international Staycations in one of the best cities in the world; NYC Treating myself to an item or two off of my many wishlist Going wine shopping; 14% or higher or it doesn’t count lol Routine waxes, massages, facials, mani/pedi Scouting out new books to read Journaling, creating to do list Bi-weekly therapy sessions Taking care of my body by taking vitamins, eating healthier, gym days Decreasing screen time, deactivating social media Monthly hair appointments because new hair activates the BAD BITCH in me They don’t tell you how much you have to sacrifice to get where you need to be mentally. It’s focus up season. I am not as available as I may want to be, but at the same time, I don’t really want to be. This season in my life is all about trust. Trusting myself to stick to my word, learning how to trust myself, and even my actions. Finding the joy in simple things has changed me in the most beautiful way. Only now am I able to create space to share my thoughts and feelings in hope that you find pleasure on a day that is meant for us to be happy, stress and worry free. SUNDAY. I hope that my blog post thus far has brung you joy or clarity. Most importantly, I hope that it inspires you to appreciate all of life’s simple pleasures. PEACE and happiness is the real bag. Embrace it. Accept it. Prioritize it. Welcome to ME SEASON. It’s so nice to have you here. #peaceofmind #Premed #womeninmedicine #publichealth #sheshed #selflove #healthcare #futuredoctor #selfcare

I can bet any amount of money that you started reciting the lyrics to Beyonce’s song when you read the title of this blog. LOL ! I can also bet that you totally forgot about that song and will most likely listen to it at some point today. The power of nostalgic triggers right? Can you think of any point in your life when you realized that something you wanted so badly turned into the best thing you never had? Ponder on that for a second. Because babyyyyyy, I can give you about TWENTY instances. When I assessed the paragraph above, the first thought, the first word that came to my mind is possession. Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t hit up the dictionary for the true definition of my word of the day. According to the Merrian-Webster Dictionary, possession is defined as: the state of having, owning, or controlling something. Listen, self explanatory. The things in life that we “never had” are things that we try to take control over. Whether these things are people, places, or things. Now, I have a question and don’t fight me because I know how you girls like to tussle, but what the hell is up with our obsession of ownership? And when I say ownership, I’m speaking about home ownership, car ownership, things like that are worth the obsession simply because they are a pretty big deal and took a lot of discipline for one to be able to possess. In this instance I’m speaking of partners, our relationships both platonic and romantic, materialism, even careers. I know that I’ve mentioned this before, that we do not own, we simply experience. The sooner we can grasp this concept, the easier things can and will become. I’ve learned the value in experience. Although things haven’t always been this clear, I am now thankful for the things that I never imagined I could be or experience. If it wasn’t for others, I wouldn’t know the qualities of trustworthy individuals. If it wasn’t for the pain, I wouldn’t know the value of peace. If it wasn’t for the good things failing, I wouldn’t know what was needed to set the foundation for something great. I learned the power of acceptance, the power of experience through my disappointments. What we fail to realize is that life gets better when we take accountability for what we allow to happen in it. The things we say, the things we do, our actions, thoughts, words. All of these things map out our life. It’s like our very own mind and heart GPS. If nobody cares enough to spin, the good sis Karma does. And listen, she does it effortlessly. The problem is, because of our possession obsession, we stand in the way of God removing the shit that isn’t meant to be taking up space in our lives. Have you ever been with someone and your life was just in shambles? I’m talking a complete mess. However, as soon as you got rid of this person the blessings came pouring in like bottomless mimosas at your favorite weekend brunch spot? Ha! Tell me about it. We be thinking we need these people and the whole time they’re in our fucking way. Like please babe, imma need you to MOVE TF AROUND. I really want everyone to find people and spaces where they’re cared for deeply. Not merely performative gestures and speeches for social media, but genuine friendships, companionships, and love that doesn’t require you to do anything but be authentic and grow. When we find this, only then will we realize that these are the things that we actually will “always have“. Every let down has left me in a position to grow. Now, I am wiser because of it all. I’m proud of my heart, it has never been a quitter. It hasn’t become bitter. It’s had the courage to stay open and that has only made me better. I’m not perfect. I move with good intentions at all times. I know that it isn’t my job to convince anyone to see it, but I hope that at least, those who have encountered me have at some point while experiencing me. You break your own heart when you create your ideal ending and focus on that instead of focusing on the actual journey. You have to believe that your next chapter will be far more exciting and fulfilling than the ones you’ve already lived thus far. It has only gotten better. But even when it gets bad, keep reading. You have to keep living because it just isn’t the end yet. Shit, it’s barely the middle. When things get lost, let them. No need to search the lost & found. God removes things for a reason. Shift the narrative, prioritize something else, get back on track. Before long, you’ll forget about that very thing that you once couldn’t live without. Only then will it turn out to be the best thing you NEVER had. #Premed #womeninmedicine #publichealth #sheshed #reality #reallife #futuredoctor

There has been plenty on times in life where I hit a roadblock and became stuck between a rock and a hard place when it came to the word and action behind FORGIVENESS. Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. One word, GHETTO. Because why should I ever think to forgive someone who may not deserve my forgiveness or who may not even be sorry for what he/she did?! That question always seems to come soon after, but my answer is simple. You forgive them for your own sanity. I know, I know, it’s easier said than done, but I promise you that it’s probably the best thing that you can possibly do to bring yourself peace about any situation. Now listen, I’m not saying that I’ve always been this mature individual who prioritizes her peace before anything because trust me, I haven’t. I wanted problems, what is peace? (Lol) Chaos was my middle name. If toxic was a person, this girls face would be front and center like a yearbook photo. But honestly, who the fuck wants to live like that? Not me. Life is too short. We are all here on borrowed time and you don’t get the time back that you spent holding grudges or hating someone to use it towards something else. Many people may not understand why I am the way that I am, but even when it comes to that, it’s like that’s fine, not everyone will be understood. I am a very forgiving individual. So much that I scare myself. At times, I have to really sit and tap into myself and ask “Girl, are you sure about this? Do you know how much this persons actions recently hurt you?” And I ‘ll then sit and really analyze the situation and move ahead with forgiveness. Because at the end of the day, my reason for letting go is simply for me and no one else. You know I have to throw in real life situation to get this to make sense so here we go. There was a time in my life when I knew all that I needed to know about a situation that someone had put me through and no matter how much I tried to convince myself or this individual that I had “forgiven” them, I was lying and actually doing really bad at it. I was doing a huge disservice to myself and my sanity by doing so. This is someone that I trusted with my life. Someone who could do absolutely no wrong in my eyes. Someone that I loved beyond this realm. However, even with all of this love in between us, this individual hurt me beyond belief, beyond repair, the pain felt agonizing and I’m telling you, it felt like a knife was in my chest and they were just twisting it clockwise and pouring alcohol at the same time. Have you ever felt your heart break before? I know some of you felt your heart hurt. It’s a real thing ya’ll. With all of the love that I had for this person, I tried my best to express how I felt about what had taken place. I am a very opinionated person, I’d like to think that I’m pretty good with words and expressing myself, but nothing was really helping the situation. I am such a “WHY?” person, because why the hell not? I feel like when people are bold enough to hurt someones feelings, then they should be able to stand on their actions and let it be known why they did what they did. Everyone isn’t as tough as they portray to be though so we’ll let that go. Therapy has taught me the art of “letting go” and surrendering. There is no reason that someone or something should be given the opportunity to live rent free in your mind for extensive periods of time. I truly think that we hold on and harbor these emotions because of our codependent or unhealthy attachment styles that we have in life. It’s like, damn I do want to feel better but I know that this person may not be sorry, nor do they care if I’m as hurt as I am, but I love them and don’t really want to lose them so I’ll just deal with it. Ummmm excuse me ma’am, absolutely not. I know some of you may be like La, why you in my business? Lol, but yes I am all up in it OKAY ! But only because there are ways to fix this. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. I think many people fail to grasp this. Now, it is completely possible to move on and heal from trauma without forgiving. But if you are a person big on closure or knowing the “why” behind something like me, forgiveness is essential. Forgiveness means different things to different people but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Working on forgiveness can help us increase our self-esteem and give us a sense of inner strength and safety. It can reverse the lies that we often tell ourselves when someone has hurt us deeply—lies like, I am defeated or I’m not worthy. Forgiveness can heal us and allow us to move on in life with meaning and purpose. I have recently forgiven someone who I thought I had completely erased out of my life. I had already forgiven their behaviors and charged the pain to the game. The pain was too much to keep inside of me so I made a decision to let it go in order to keep me healthy. On this journey of rediscovering myself, I’ve learned that comfort kills growth. I learned the power of self love and the power of speaking with myself. I had lots of time to hang out alone, I had plenty of time to sit down, write and read. Plenty of time to goal plan, to think. A lot of time to leave my phone unanswered. Being completely transparent, I was so afraid to go on my solo trip. I think that I was so afraid because it was as if I was leaving everything behind. But, in reality I think I was just afraid to leave my old “self” behind. Prior to returning home, I sat in the airport and cried my eyes out because I was afraid to come back to all of the shit that I had indeed left behind. The unanswered text messages, phone calls, emails, questions. My positive mind was at stake here, I remember asking myself “Is all of this peace going to fly out the window as soon as I get back? Will I revert back to that old person?” I had to have a moment of clarity and I told myself “That all depends on you babe.” Your happiness is dependent on you. Your healing is dependent on you. I had so much time to look at myself in the mirror and remind myself that I can have whatever life it is that I desire. A healed life, a chaotic life, a toxic life. The choice is mine. So, I chose peace. You cannot be the right person for someone else if you’re not the right person for yourself. Take some time to heal so that the next person you encounter can enjoy the best version of you. Free mind. #love #womeninmedicine #sheshed #growth #healthcare #futuredoctor #healing

In my 31 years walking God’s green earth, I’d have to say that the majority of those years were spent grieving. Do you see how ridiculous this sounds? Out of my 31 years alive, I’ve spent well over 22 years in emotional shamble. Let’s take a trip down memory lane really quick. I promise that at the end of this blog post it’ll all make sense. (LOL at “take a trip.” Sis is always ready to catch a flight.) March 21, 2000. On this day, I witnessed my first heart break at the tender age of nine. I lost the only girl in the world that knew me best. What was once a regular day at school turned into a neighborhood tragedy in a matter of hours. Being as young as I was, I understood what was transpiring but at the same time, I didn’t. I thought that grief was an instant feeling. I thought that once I acknowledged that my mother was no longer in the physical realm, I would begin to process my grief. However, that isn’t how it works. Life stood still and moved forward simultaneously for the next nine years. By the time I hit eighteen, the rebellion was at an all time high. If you knew me during these years, especially middle and high school, then you know exactly what I’m speaking of. I would honestly rate the loss of a parent as one of the worse experiences that one will ever endure. This was my feeling for years and it was a hill that I would have died on…. until I lost the only man in the world that knew me best. This right here should have put me in the dirt. Losing my brother was the final straw. An experience that flipped my world upside down. An experience that I am still recovering from and trying my best to understand two years later. Baby, as time passes me by I feel like I was just born tired. Emotionally, mentally, physically exhausted. The waves of grief drown me periodically, at times leaving me breathless and gasping for air. Chest pain so harsh that it brings me to my knees instantly. I’m talking about gut wrenching grief. Some days the waves are 100 feet tall, other days, a few inches. However, after the pain there’s peace. For this exact reason, I push forward and fight my way through it. I remember the days when grief kicked my ass every single time. I was weak, I had no strength, I felt defeated, I had no faith in life getting better. One word, well two words: GOD & THERAPY. But I’ll save that for a future post because I have some jewels to drop about the lovely world of Mental Health and the stigma it has within in our communities. Our African American communities. Throughout my life, I’ve lost many people. Relatives, friends, colleagues, partners. The crazy thing is, many of them aren’t even dead. Which lead me to discover years ago that you do not only experience grief when someone dies. Grief is not always exclusive to death. Grief is also about loss, and loss comes in many different forms. Some losses are easy to recognize, while others are harder to comprehend and understand. No matter the cause of grief, be patient with yourself. Grief is a profoundly personal experience that we journey through in our own unique way. Being completely honest, I’ve been experiencing the process of grief in a different light for the past few months as I am grieving someone who is still alive and well. They are just no longer apart of my life. It’s the death of our friendship, our relationship, the hopes and dreams, the future that was connected to myself and this person that is so hard to completely disconnect from. It’s so crazy to think of living without someone you felt you couldn’t live without. Someone you thought you’d have in your life forever. This goes for platonic and romantic relationships. Through my healing journey, I’ve learned to understand that we don’t possess people, we simply experience them. I am honored and grateful to have had the opportunity to experience all that I have with all that I did. It has been an honor to love them. Eternal sunshine. As 2021 began to come to a close, I realized that I needed to purge all of the negative and heavy emotions that I had been harboring. All of the guilt, the anger, the frustration, the anxiety, the depression had begun to take a toll on me. I was exhausted. I was bitter. I was very unhappy, and this just wasn’t how I liked to live my life. Life is meant to be lived happily and peaceful and ya girl was the furthest from that. So, I fled. I booked a solo trip to the homeland and RESET. I disconnected as much as I could, and went deep within to find the wire that I needed in order to connect myself back to the outlet. These past few days I have laughed, I have cried, whewwwww, did I cry. I realized that this was all in God’s plans for me. I had to disconnect to reconnect and I found my way back. 2022 will be one of the biggest years of my life. I graduate with my Master’s in Public Health, I’ll be relocating to begin my new career as a Research Scientist in a new city (wink wink), and I start my DrPh program in the fall. Today, I am grateful, thankful and blessed for so many different reasons, but most importantly for having my peace and my sanity. God is so mindful of me. Grief comes in all forms and looks many different ways for many different people. As I sit on the bed of my corner-suite room at the W Panama in my silk robe, moisturized skin, mimosa in arms reach, romanticizing myself and resetting my soul as my first solo trip of 2022 comes to an end, my grief looks and feels luxurious, and very expensive and I really love this for me. #sheshed

I know that we’re only on day 9 of the new year but per usual ya girl cannot help but to feel as if life is supposed to just miraculously do a complete 360 and just become this place of perfectionism. SIKE ! Maybe I need to increase my intake of Ashawaganda or up the dosage because my anxiety has been through the roof for the past 48 hours. I’ve been working around the clock on the launch of my latest project (The She-Shed), handling all of the legal aspects that you only see when working the back-end. So yes, I’ve been clocking out at the end of my shift and clocking back in to work for myself and it isn’t easy. In this season, I plan to extend myself as much grace as possible as I navigate through the process of practicing patience. I have this thing about myself that convinces me to believe that time revolves around me. If I have a thought, give an idea to someone, or even if I’m having a conversation with someone via text, I expect quick responses. I expect things to move with my pace and on my time. When this isn’t happening, my anxiety skyrockets. As I type, I’m realizing the issue head on….. EXPECTATIONS. That is the first thing that I should be getting rid of. Expecting from someone or something will almost always lead to disappointment. Hey, I don’t make the rules lol. The issue with expectations is simple, everyone isn’t YOU. What you do for others, how you treat others, they may not be able to give that back to you in return. Honestly, it may not even be because they don’t want to, they simple just cannot. They may not know how to. Individuals can only understand from their level of perception, meaning they can only meet you at the level they’re most experienced at. We hold these unrealistic expectations at times wanting these same individuals to meet us at the penthouse suite when they’ve resided in the basement their whole life and don’t even know where to catch the elevator up at. Get it? Okay good ! As I continue to practice patience, let me share what this word actually means. Patience is defined as: “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset” and this is exactly what I am trying to conquer. Let me get a little transparent with you, I’ve been asking God for something very specific. I have been very impatient, I have been super anxious about it, just in a complete panic and all around just trying to rush to the future for it. I truly believe that I haven’t been rewarded with what I am asking of because I have yet to display faith in the situation. God does not play about me. He is very mindful and intentional with me. Because of my obsession, my impatience and my constant worry, I know that I won’t receive my blessing any time soon. Not because I’m not worthy of it, but because I simply am not ready for it. I won’t say what I’m asking for is simple, because it isn’t, however I do know that with patience, calmness, and faith, I’ll have everything that I can possibly desire. So now, it’s time to do the work. It’s so crazy because just typing this all out has began to calm my spirit. I spoke my thoughts out last night before bed and shut my phone down. I slept through the night without a worry in the world. When I opened my eyes this morning, I turned my phone on and BOOM, what I had been asking for has already started taking shape and form. But I’ll stop this here, because this entry wasn’t written to be a Sunday sermon lol. Being from New York City, at times I tend to live life fast. As if I’m in a race against time, or always in a rush. I have to remind myself that there isn’t anything wrong with practicing mindfulness. There isn’t anything wrong with being present in the moment. My therapist always told me “Anxiety is triggered by your constant need to obsess of the future, and depression is triggered by your constant need to revisit the past.” Whewwwwww. He said a word there. I take that quote through life with me. I’m looking forward to actively building a tolerance for being a bit uncomfortable. Whenever I begin to feel a bit rushed, I will consciously practice slowing down. I will acclimate to the idea that time is on my side rather than working against me. Rushing a decision, responding to a message too soon, giving up on waiting- in these instances, we become susceptible towards letting time get the best of us. Patience brings peace and in life, that is something that I will always want, need and crave. Patience is a virtue. It is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. Have patience with all things, but first of all, with yourself. #patience #womeninmedicine #publichealth #sheshed #christian #anxiety #prayingwoman #futurephysician #healthcare

I entered 2021 very optimistic. Ya girl was fresh out of a 7 year relationship, I had just launched a new business in November of 2020 so I was carrying that into the new year as well, I moved into my new apartment all by myself and completely alone, I met someone new a few months prior and I was happy and pleased with him. Life felt good. I was healing. I was happy. I felt really happy. But even with all of my blessings worth being happy about, life was definently life-ing on the back-end like never before. I experienced the most anxiety this year than ever before. My weight fluctuated the most it has ever, I slipped in and out of depression over and over. I felt as if I had no control over myself. My spirit was very unsettled. I felt so unsure of myself, so insecure, so frazzled. In the midst of finding myself, I lost myself as well. I laughed a lot but definently cried even more. My year was pretty rough. I endured a lot of pain that I wasn’t the cause of. I caused others just as much pain. There was a lot of self reflecting taking place in that year, BUT the storm did not last forever. I mean, does it ever? I had the opportunity of traveling to the beautiful country of Belize with my partner to celebrate my 31st birthday, I accepted what I would consider to be my dream position at such a prestige organization (or at least in my opinion it is lol) all while still in grad school. I hit my savings goal for the year, l lost someone who I thought I’d have in my life until my dying breath. But was it really a loss after all? Only time will tell. In this past year, I rediscovered myself. I was able to work on the areas of life that I had been neglecting for such a long period of time unbeknownst to me. This girl pushed herself in school like never before and maintained her GPA the whole way through. Yes yes, 4.0 mami!! I was accepted into my Public Health Doctoral program, I met some pretty amazing people, rekindled friendships with childhood/lifelong friends, reconnected with God, and began to work on and build stronger relationships with my relatives. So in the end, I won. Against all odds. I have purposely left out so much more but you get the picture. Life threw so many curve balls at me this year, I’ve experienced things head on that I never thought I’d make it out of and look at me? I’m blessed. I’m so excited to see all of the amazing things I’ll do in 2022. I have set some really stern expectations for myself, but that’s just it, all for myself. I am no longer expecting anything from anyone because it’s not my job to. I control the narrative in this life here, & boundaries will no longer be crossed. 💙 I look forward to more blogs and taking you all on this journey of discovering life with me. #futuredoctor #healthcare #medicine #sheshed

Day 6,928,682 of social distancing and I am sure that I’ll have to use my GPS to find my way back to the clinic when I return. (LOL) In this post I want to provide you all with some tips, tricks, and advice on how to cope with this unprecedented lifestyle that we are all forced to adjust to. This pandemic has altered our everyday lives tremendously causing individuals who would usually commute to work daily, to now work remotely. Students who would usually travel all across campus for courses have been dismissed from campus living and forced to transition into online learning. The list goes on and on. Speaking for myself, I am immensely grateful to be able to work remotely. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss my work family back at the clinic; my favorite co-workers and health care providers and I am praying for their health and safety as they all stand on the frontlines daily. My position allows me to remain safe from the comfort of my own home while providing telehealth services to all who may need me and for that, I am very grateful. For those of you who are working from home and making the best of it, here are some tips that I’ve been implementing that may help make your transition to remote working just a tad bit better. Create a proper work space Personalize your workspace and tailor it to fit your individual work style. Move some furniture around if you need to, repurpose/ revamp some pieces around your home to help accommodate your new home office transition Make sure that your new workspace is functional and cozy. Throw in some greenery like a nice houseplant or my personal favorite: clearance flower bouquets from my local Kroger. Create a schedule This right here is a big deal for me. My first week working remotely was unproductive AF. I had absolutely no structure, no routine, ya girl was just winging it, doing a little bit of everything. By my second week, I had just about enough. A schedule was necessary, and STAT! I needed some sort of normalcy, similar to how structured my day was in the clinic. Every morning, I create a schedule/ to do list to map out my day. Whether it’s a scheduled dog walk, a trip to the post office, choosing a dinner recipe, it is all written out for me to complete. This has truly helped me to remain productive and hold myself accountable for making sure I get my work done. Schedule breaks to reset With me working from 8- 4:30 PM it’s pretty hard for me to just sit still. I had to remind myself to take breaks, facetime a friend, listen to a few of your favorite tunes, watch a YouTube video, grab a cup of some chilled infused water, or take a 15 minute walk through your community to regroup and then get back home and finish off the work day strong. Get dressed ! I know that it can be tempting to stay in your pajamas all day but let’s not do that all of the time. I;m not telling you to throw on a ball gown and 6 inch heels, or even dress as you would normally do for work, but a simple outfit change in the morning can serve as a signal that it’s time to wake up and get your day started. Share the load Last but not least, do not require yourself to do everything. Manage your schedule instead of letting it manage you. Ask for help from a colleague when you need it, especially when working on a team. I know that this space that we are currently in is as far away from “normal” as we may have ever been but this will not be our “forever”. Stay positive, stay gracious, stay in prayer and stay in tune with all that is taking place. Love & light from me to you ! #nursesweek #registerednurse #covid19 #quarantined #Premed #medicalschool #medicine #futurephysician #medschool #futuredoctor

What are the requirements for Medical School? This is a question that I get asked by so many relatives and friends. I’m so sure that you have been asked this question at least once along your premed journey. So today, I’ve decided to dig a little deeper into it and share some information that may be beneficial to someone out there. The most important requirement for medical school acceptance is strong academic performance. Some programs even suggest premed students to prioritize their academic study and re-frame from getting overly distracted by extracurricular activities. The following courses are mandatory prerequisite courses needed to get into medical school: 1 semester = 4 credits| 1 year = 2 semesters Biology – One year with lab experience (should include cellular and molecular aspects) General Chemistry- One year of general chemistry Organic Chemistry- One year of organic chemistry Biochemistry- One year with lab experience Physics- One year with lab experience Math- One year including one semester each of calculus and statistics Writing ( One year of English) ** Psychology and Sociology| One semester ( subject to certain MD programs) Now, before we go any further I want to add in another question that I’ve came across a few times on social media “Will it look bad if I was to take most or all of my required courses at a community college rather than a University? In my opinion, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Price wise, you’d certainly come out cheaper taking courses at a community college. My only worry is that the admissions committee at the applicants prospective schools may feel as if he or she took the easy way out because classes at community colleges aren’t as rigorous as they are at universities. It is essential to stay on top of what undergraduate courses are mandatory for admission into the schools of your choice. This information can be found on the program’s website and also in the Medical School Admission Requirements online database also known as MSAR , a resource provided by the AAMC . As a premed student, you should choose a college major that you are enthusiastic about and can perform well in. One of the biggest myths that I’ve heard in regards to medical school requirements and acceptance was that one NEEDS to major in Biology as a premed to get into medical school. This is not true. You can actually major in anything you’d like as long as you complete all of the needed prerequisite courses. I know of medical students who have majored in Psychology, Finance, Art, History, and even Neuroscience.Choosing a major that you really love and are passionate about is probably one of the best things that you can do. Aside from everything that I have just covered, there is still something needed…… The MCAT (Medical College Admission Test) I know that many of you reading this may skip over this part because it’s material that you are familiar with and that is totally fine. However, this may be very beneficial to individuals who are new into their premed journey. All aspiring physicians are required to take the MCAT. The MCAT was developed and is also administered by the AAMC. It is a standardized, multiple choice exam that was created to help medical school admissions personnel assess your problem solving, critical thinking, and knowledge of natural, behavioral, and social science concepts and principles prerequisite to the study of medicine. The MCAT is 7 hours and 30 minutes long including breaks. Talk about time management, now that my friend is a course that should be required for medical school entry. The MCAT contains integrated sections, which means that subjects are not tested independently, but include overlapping areas of concentration, which is how we’ll encounter curriculum in medical school. This content is broken down into four test sections that compose the exam: Chemical and Physical Foundations of Biological Systems Critical Analysis and Reasoning Skills Biological and Biochemical Foundations of Living Systems Psychological, Social, and Biological Foundations of Behavior Each of these four sections of the MCAT is scored from 118-132, with the mean and median at 125. This means that the total score ranges from 472-528, with the mean and median at 500. Now that we have covered some of the basics about medical school preparation, I want you all to reflect on where you are in the process and what you have completed and/or what you may be missing and work on that. In part 2 of this post, I’ll discuss letters or recommendation, volunteer work, clinical research and shadowing Until next week guys, Show up, show out, and kill shit ! #registerednurse #Premed #womeninmedicine #medicalschool #medicine #medicalscribe #futurephysician #futuredoctor

This is a question that floats through my head far too often. I’m usually torn between the idea that I’m exhausted from doing too much and then there’s this feeling of inadequacy as if I’m not doing enough in life. We are all constantly working twice as hard because we have this dream that we are trying to achieve- this dream of becoming a Physician. We are also working to fill in the gap of disparities in Health Care. So this dream…. this dream that to us seems so obtainable, so very realistic, so US…. until we begin to compare our journey to that of someone else’s. We get on social media, we speak with someone who is already 50% of their medical journey and then things begin to become more and more difficult for us. Let me tell you something friend, this is a big NO NO ! Isn’t it so crazy how we can magnify the journey of others and then we begin to belittle our own. “Everything that glitters isn’t gold” Ok, others are getting better grades that you, their GPAs are skyrocketing, that’s great! But this does not make them a better candidate than you. Your friend scored well into the 500s on his MCAT, that’s awesome ! But what does that have to do with you? We have to master the art of minding the business that pays us. Your lab partner is working on a ground breaking research opportunity? Use it as motivation, how about you support her instead of beating yourself down because you aren’t in her place. We are where we are in this journey for a reason. Embrace it ! We see it all, and we see it daily, all of this progress that others are making and you barely have time to do volunteer work. When we compare our lives to those of others it’s so easy to down size your own personal accomplishments. Pat yourself on the back for becoming the president of your school’s pre- med association ! You were awarded that role for a reason, embrace it, celebrate yourself. At times, I sit and reflect on just how far I’ve come in my journey. You know, all the obstacles that I’ve overcame and where I am currently in my journey….. ” Just keep swimming” Three degrees and nearly one post-bacc later, I have accomplished more than I could have imagined and I am so very thankful, grateful, and blessed. I am beyond proud of myself and I truly hope that you all are just as proud of yourselves. This journey is tough. I question myself very often wondering if I made the right decision to pursue medicine on such a high level, if I’m “Smart” enough to obtain a degree as prestigious as a Doctorate…. and so many other questions that can and will mentally drain you and break you if you allow it to. I’ve decided to switch off that pessimistic switch and tap into optimism. We need positive energy flowing through and around us to keep us elevated and motivated throughout this journey to destination MD, DVM, DO, DPT, DNP, NMD, DPM, DDS, and any other doctoral journey you may be pursuing. Moving forward, let’s try a different approach to self sabotaging. Next time you find yourself overwhelmed, or feeling “less than”, channel that anxiety into a push for yourself. Get some work done, Go for a walk Listen to a bomb podcast Try out a new recipe from Pinterest Go and buy yourself a fly bouquet of flowers or a nice houseplant even. Remember, we are all on this journey together. We will fall, we will fail, we will cry, but we will also succeed so let’s not give up on ourselves. This is the purpose of me documenting this journey. We are a community of individuals with one goal in common, therefore we are never ALONE. When we begin to feel feel undeserving of those 2 powerful initials behind our name , we have each other to turn to for reassurance and an extra boost of confidence. I’ll take a Venti of pick me up please! Let’s show the others to come behind us how it truly takes a village….. Show up, show out, and kill sh*t ! #registerednurse #Premed #postbacc #medicalschool #medicine #futurephysician #healthcare #futuredoctor