BEST THING YOU NEVER HAD.
I can bet any amount of money that you started reciting the lyrics to Beyonce’s song when you read the title of this blog. LOL ! I can also bet that you totally forgot about that song and will most likely listen to it at some point today. The power of nostalgic triggers right? Can you think of any point in your life when you realized that something you wanted so badly turned into the best thing you never had? Ponder on that for a second. Because babyyyyyy, I can give you about TWENTY instances.
When I assessed the paragraph above, the first thought, the first word that came to my mind is possession. Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t hit up the dictionary for the true definition of my word of the day. According to the Merrian-Webster Dictionary, possession is defined as: the state of having, owning, or controlling something. Listen, self explanatory. The things in life that we “never had” are things that we try to take control over. Whether these things are people, places, or things. Now, I have a question and don’t fight me because I know how you girls like to tussle, but what the hell is up with our obsession of ownership? And when I say ownership, I’m speaking about home ownership, car ownership, things like that are worth the obsession simply because they are a pretty big deal and took a lot of discipline for one to be able to possess. In this instance I’m speaking of partners, our relationships both platonic and romantic, materialism, even careers.
I know that I’ve mentioned this before, that we do not own, we simply experience. The sooner we can grasp this concept, the easier things can and will become. I’ve learned the value in experience. Although things haven’t always been this clear, I am now thankful for the things that I never imagined I could be or experience. If it wasn’t for others, I wouldn’t know the qualities of trustworthy individuals. If it wasn’t for the pain, I wouldn’t know the value of peace. If it wasn’t for the good things failing, I wouldn’t know what was needed to set the foundation for something great. I learned the power of acceptance, the power of experience through my disappointments.
What we fail to realize is that life gets better when we take accountability for what we allow to happen in it. The things we say, the things we do, our actions, thoughts, words. All of these things map out our life. It’s like our very own mind and heart GPS. If nobody cares enough to spin, the good sis Karma does. And listen, she does it effortlessly. The problem is, because of our possession obsession, we stand in the way of God removing the shit that isn’t meant to be taking up space in our lives. Have you ever been with someone and your life was just in shambles? I’m talking a complete mess. However, as soon as you got rid of this person the blessings came pouring in like bottomless mimosas at your favorite weekend brunch spot? Ha! Tell me about it. We be thinking we need these people and the whole time they’re in our fucking way. Like please babe, imma need you to MOVE TF AROUND.
I really want everyone to find people and spaces where they’re cared for deeply. Not merely performative gestures and speeches for social media, but genuine friendships, companionships, and love that doesn’t require you to do anything but be authentic and grow. When we find this, only then will we realize that these are the things that we actually will “always have“.
Every let down has left me in a position to grow. Now, I am wiser because of it all. I’m proud of my heart, it has never been a quitter. It hasn’t become bitter. It’s had the courage to stay open and that has only made me better. I’m not perfect. I move with good intentions at all times. I know that it isn’t my job to convince anyone to see it, but I hope that at least, those who have encountered me have at some point while experiencing me.
You break your own heart when you create your ideal ending and focus on that instead of focusing on the actual journey. You have to believe that your next chapter will be far more exciting and fulfilling than the ones you’ve already lived thus far. It has only gotten better. But even when it gets bad, keep reading. You have to keep living because it just isn’t the end yet. Shit, it’s barely the middle. When things get lost, let them. No need to search the lost & found. God removes things for a reason. Shift the narrative, prioritize something else, get back on track. Before long, you’ll forget about that very thing that you once couldn’t live without. Only then will it turn out to be the best thing you NEVER had.
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