NOTHING WAS THE SAME.
Maybe I was in my head when I started typing this week’s blog post, or maybe I was influenced by Jhene Aiko’s “From Time” playing in the background because “Who you settling for, who’s better for you than ya girl?” Lol. Listen, I’m fucking with you. Or am I? Okay, let me get serious. Happy Daylight Savings my loves !! Today is a day to be celebrated okay?! We have officially made it through another year of dark, dreary days and seasonal depression. Brighter and better days are ahead of us and I couldn’t be more excited. It’s just something about the sunlight that boosts my mood. The sunlight literally takes me from 0-100 in a millisecond. No exaggeration. Spring and summer are my seasons (hold the allergies) and I am so pumped to be heading into them in the coming weeks.
Now that I’ve gotten my curated intro out of the way, let’s chat. I woke up today with a certain question on my heart and reached out to my niece to chat about it as she is someone that I know who has recently experienced what I’m currently battling. So let’s discuss boundaries during the rebuilding of friendships. Because ya girl is struggling and it’s ghetto here at the moment. Because WHY YOU BEING WEIRD TO ME?!
Nothing was the same. No matter how much you try to get the connection back to some sort of normalcy, or out of a space of awkwardness. It still feels weird as fuck. It’s like yikes, how did we end up here? It’s a feeling that I dread. It feels forced, uncomfortable, and unsettling. It’s like a period of walking on eggshells mixed with a ego trip. Your best friend, your go to person, from ace boon coon to fucking stranger. I can tell you this, it won’t feel this way forever, but in order to get through it, you have to allow this period of discomfort to pass on it’s own. Boundaries. That’s the keyword here.
No matter how much time has passed between the two of you, you are not in the same place in life as you once were. Growth has happened, healing has taken place, life has ran it’s course. We are not the same. This is where the awkwardness is coming from. It’s like trying to force a puzzle piece to fit in a space that it doesn’t below. It will never work. At times, situations are able to be continued where they were last left at, but not always. Sometimes, a restart is needed. Don’t be afraid to start over. This time you’re not starting from scratch, you’re starting from experience. Embrace the new beginning. Fear of the unknown will always have us in a chokehold, but we cannot let that cripple us and scare us from the comfort that we are trying to get back to.
After the morning chit chat with my niece, I called up my good sis Yiesha and continued the dialogue. Bottom line, get out your feelings and your head and get in your bag. Lol, let me stop being silly. In all seriousness, I just had to realize that this process may take a little longer than usual to move out of this specific phase. When someone is removed out of your daily routine, out of your life in general, fitting them back in can get complicated. After all, you’ve both probably have created a new routine and could care less to give the individual that kind of access to you again and that’s understood. Boundaries. It’s always good to let things flow. To the chin, never to the heart is my go to phrase. Because I know that none of this is meant purposely, but as precaution and protection of being hurt yet again.
At the end of the day, I can only be me. We have this thing of trying to control outcomes that we have absolutely no control over. I can only control my own actions, there is nothing that I can do when it comes to how the other individual chooses to deal with me or the rebuilding of our relationship. I can only accept it, respect it, or move along. You cannot expect others to treat you the way that you treat them. Some people just don’t have it in them and that is totally fine. I have ego, I have pride, and yes, there are times when I pop my shit and say “You know what, I’m not reaching out first again because……” and we’re human so that’s definently understandable. But I know at the end of the day, that really isn’t me. There isn’t a soul walking this earth that can stop me from being the genuine, kindhearted, loving individual that I am. I’m a lover, and I’ll always be. If I would normally send you positive morning messages, send random zelle or cash-apps for breakfast or lunch, for flowers, then I’ll continue to do so. That’s just me. You being stiff with me is a defense mechanism and it has nothing to do with me. That’s a battle that you have to work on for yourself. I’ve been there. I’ve healed there.
Change your language to “What if it does work out” instead of focusing and preparing for it not to. Believe in possibilities. Think of the best case scenario and not the worst. Refraining your mind will lift you higher out of the overthinking, stress, and worry of negative habitual thoughts. Change starts with your mindset. Shift it. Switch it. This message here applies to anything in life that’s currently having you feel discouraged or worried. Sometimes starting over is necessary and a good thing. Don’t be afraid to. So, although nothing was the same, let’s cheers to new beginnings.
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