Patience young grasshopper !
I know that we’re only on day 9 of the new year but per usual ya girl cannot help but to feel as if life is supposed to just miraculously do a complete 360 and just become this place of perfectionism. SIKE ! Maybe I need to increase my intake of Ashawaganda or up the dosage because my anxiety has been through the roof for the past 48 hours. I’ve been working around the clock on the launch of my latest project (The She-Shed), handling all of the legal aspects that you only see when working the back-end. So yes, I’ve been clocking out at the end of my shift and clocking back in to work for myself and it isn’t easy.
In this season, I plan to extend myself as much grace as possible as I navigate through the process of practicing patience. I have this thing about myself that convinces me to believe that time revolves around me. If I have a thought, give an idea to someone, or even if I’m having a conversation with someone via text, I expect quick responses. I expect things to move with my pace and on my time. When this isn’t happening, my anxiety skyrockets. As I type, I’m realizing the issue head on….. EXPECTATIONS.
That is the first thing that I should be getting rid of. Expecting from someone or something will almost always lead to disappointment. Hey, I don’t make the rules lol. The issue with expectations is simple, everyone isn’t YOU. What you do for others, how you treat others, they may not be able to give that back to you in return. Honestly, it may not even be because they don’t want to, they simple just cannot. They may not know how to. Individuals can only understand from their level of perception, meaning they can only meet you at the level they’re most experienced at. We hold these unrealistic expectations at times wanting these same individuals to meet us at the penthouse suite when they’ve resided in the basement their whole life and don’t even know where to catch the elevator up at. Get it? Okay good !
As I continue to practice patience, let me share what this word actually means. Patience is defined as: “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset” and this is exactly what I am trying to conquer. Let me get a little transparent with you, I’ve been asking God for something very specific. I have been very impatient, I have been super anxious about it, just in a complete panic and all around just trying to rush to the future for it. I truly believe that I haven’t been rewarded with what I am asking of because I have yet to display faith in the situation. God does not play about me. He is very mindful and intentional with me. Because of my obsession, my impatience and my constant worry, I know that I won’t receive my blessing any time soon. Not because I’m not worthy of it, but because I simply am not ready for it.
I won’t say what I’m asking for is simple, because it isn’t, however I do know that with patience, calmness, and faith, I’ll have everything that I can possibly desire. So now, it’s time to do the work. It’s so crazy because just typing this all out has began to calm my spirit. I spoke my thoughts out last night before bed and shut my phone down. I slept through the night without a worry in the world. When I opened my eyes this morning, I turned my phone on and BOOM, what I had been asking for has already started taking shape and form. But I’ll stop this here, because this entry wasn’t written to be a Sunday sermon lol.
Being from New York City, at times I tend to live life fast. As if I’m in a race against time, or always in a rush. I have to remind myself that there isn’t anything wrong with practicing mindfulness. There isn’t anything wrong with being present in the moment. My therapist always told me “Anxiety is triggered by your constant need to obsess of the future, and depression is triggered by your constant need to revisit the past.” Whewwwwww. He said a word there. I take that quote through life with me. I’m looking forward to actively building a tolerance for being a bit uncomfortable. Whenever I begin to feel a bit rushed, I will consciously practice slowing down. I will acclimate to the idea that time is on my side rather than working against me. Rushing a decision, responding to a message too soon, giving up on waiting- in these instances, we become susceptible towards letting time get the best of us.
Patience brings peace and in life, that is something that I will always want, need and crave. Patience is a virtue. It is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. Have patience with all things, but first of all, with yourself.
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