WE SHOULD REALLY BREAK UP.
Vibing to my worship playlist, feeling light and at peace. Whewww, I can go on and on about this amazing feeling. But I type today’s post, I am sitting here wondering just why my thermostat is reading 61 degrees…. As if we weren’t just tap dancing with the devil just 48 hours ago outside. Nonetheless, we are here guys. Currently over here fighting for my life because allergies, duhhh. Like if mother nature hates me, she can just say that. So I’m over here doing everything that I can to stabilize before heading out for my Sunday run. I woke up this morning to a sneeze attack.
Opened tiktok and I saw a video on a vacuum for hardwood floors with a detachable head and was immediately thanking God because I already knew what I needed to do. Hardwood floors hold so much dust, so does our beds, our blinds etc. And honestly, it’s been more than time for me to dust my apartment. So I began my research on cordless vacuums and fell down a rabbit hole. There were too many options to choose from and yea, anxiety. So I called my partner to have him decide for me but he was sleep, so it was all up to me.
Now, am I the only one who will spend thousands of dollars on a bag, some shoes, jewelry, and then be cheap with myself for something so silly like a book, some headphones, or a vacuum. LOL. Like I will spend 3K with my eye closed but will cringe at a bill at target for $96. Completely unhinged. Wow. So it was only right for today’s topic: FINANCIAL HEALTH. Because it is okay to have an unhealthy relationship with money. In some way, shape, and form I believe we all do. So let’s try to understand why.
Financial health is an important part of life for everyone. Our relationship with money is extremely emotionally charged. When people talk about finances, there is so much shame, guilt, embarrassment even secrecy involved. There is underlying tones of addiction trauma, about how our parents related to it… Money is really complex and loaded in our culture.The healing only happens once you take responsibility. Let’s dive deeper to see how we can go about releasing the negative thoughts of “Never going broke again” and releasing this scarcity mindset.
When it comes to money, everyone has a complicated relationship with it. The education you acquired about money and values as a child and the way you structured this information in your mind are the two main influences on how you earn, spend, and manage money. If you appreciate religion, for instance, you might give tithe at church. Alternately, if you value education, you might put saving for college first.
The way we feel about money is a continuum. There are two extremes of financial insecurity. You can be exceedingly frugal and concerned about the relative scarcity of your money on the one hand, and extremely irresponsible on the other. The manner in which each of us organizes and interprets financial messages—as well as the manners in which we model money behaviors—is unique.
It doesn’t matter if you realize it or not, you already have a connection with money. Your professional decisions were influenced by your relationship with money, which also led to specific spending patterns and even determine simple things like what you’ll eat for dinner. We obsess over it, we hoard it, we covet it, and we hate it… all at the same time.
If you:
Resent spending money, must always spend, you pay your bills at the last minute or late at all times, you are constantly “broke”, you spend your paycheck before you even get it, you pay the minimum on your credit cards, you resent people who have money, you lie about your finances, or if you do not like talking about money, this is for you !
Here is what an unhealthy relationship to money can look like:
Impulsive shopping
Maxing out credit cards
Avoiding managing your finances
Refusing to talk about money or seek financial support
Disliking or displaying anger toward financially secure people
Being afraid to spend money even on necessities
This poor relationship with money also affects the other relationships in your life.
Now that we have covered what an unhealthy relationship to money can look like, let’s see what a healthy relationship to money can look like.
Here is what an healthy relationship to money can look like:
Having a spending plan or budget for your money
Feeling good about the money you earn
Having a strong savings plan or emergency fund
Living debt free or actively paying off debt
Being able to make purchases without feeling guilty
It’s crucial to understand that changing your relationship with money takes time. Unfortunately, there are no fast cuts to erasing erroneous money views and forming healthier habits. You will begin to notice a difference, though, with a little time and work.
The first stage is to genuinely evaluate your current relationship with money honestly, without passing judgment. Never forget that your relationship status has nothing to do with whether you are a good or bad person.
The following questions can help you better understand your relationship to money so much better:
Do you feel deserving when you receive money?
Do you enjoy what money can provide for you?
Do you tie your self worth to how much money you make?
How do you view others with a lot of money? Those with less money?
What are the fears/anxieties you have around spending?
How do you feel when you’re being productive/ nonproductive?
Now that we have identified how we feel about our current relationship to money, I want us to think about how we want our new relationship to feel or look. Create an honest assessment. Consideration of your current attachment to it does not constitute a verdict on your financial competency. Try to sum up your current connection in one or two uncritical sentences once you’ve thought about it.
For example:
My relationship with money is one where I often worry about money.
In my current relationship with money, I overspend.
Now is the time to leave the past in the past and focus on the future. Ask yourself things like:
What do you want your relationship with money to be?
Do you want your relationship to be fun yet responsible? For example, you can spend money on things you enjoy but also build savings.
When you identify this relationship, try to focus on what this relationship will look like in your life. How will your life, behaviors, and thoughts be different because of this new relationship?
Think about what outcome you want from your new relationship. Want to increase your savings? Are you confident that you will make more money? Or do you want to pay off your debt? With intentions and intended outcomes, you can stay focused on building new relationships. It helps you change your habits and create new routines to reach new goals.
Don’t forget to give yourself grace. It is important to remember that you have been in this negative relationship for years. It’s okay if things don’t change overnight. The next time you find yourself making life difficult for yourself, forgive yourself for past money mistakes. Even the richest people have made money management mistakes, so you’re not alone. Forgive yourself and learn from the unfortunate situation instead of regretting it. When you fall back into old habits, take note and ask yourself how you’re going to do better next time.
Healing in any part of life isn’t linear. Always remember this. Also understand that although we are all on different walks in life, we have much more in common than we think. If this is something that you would rather not tackle alone in life, reach out to partner up, whether it be with a partner, a friend, a relative, community is important. This individual may need you at this moment just as much. as you may need them. We often celebrate other relationships in our lives, such as a new romantic partner, a new job, or becoming a parent. Why not celebrate your new relationship with money? A relationship that will indeed affect every other relationship we have in our life.
As for myself, this journey has been one of huge self-discovery. I am understanding much more and identifying triggers, habits, and patterns daily. Take your time. This here is a marathon, and the marathon always continues. Have an amazing week ahead my loves.
xoxo, Elle Cee.
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