VALIDATION IS FOR PARKING BABE.
Good afternoon to you all from L.C & the big comfy couch.
Let’s see, W.A.Y.S from my good sis Jhene Aiko is serenading me in the background & it’s leading me to ask this question: Why aren’t you smiling? The sun is shining, you are alive, you are breathing, so you see my friend, there is alot to be thankful for. Always remember to start each day with a grateful heart. If you haven’t heard this song from Jhene, I urge you to take a listen. It’s a life changer to say the very least. If I’m being honest here, I’m rambling on trying to avoid filling you all in with what’s been going on with me. Because if I get one more “Where have you been sis?” email, comment or text, I’ll pull my quickweave out lol ! I truly appreciate you all. You guys keep me on my toes. So although we aren’t obligated to share any bit of ourselves with others, it’s a decision that I’ve made so I am fine with doing just that for you guys. So….. What’s tea sis? Where tf have you been? *Takes sip of….
Going back to the beginning of my social media existence, I’ll say it began for me around 2008-2010. (I’ve had Twitter and Facebook the longest & I’ve had instagram since it’s existence.) What originally started as fun, as a way to connect with your friends/family from a distance turned into a complete mind fuck. What was once a place that allowed one to be their authentic and unapologetic being had morphed into a space of unoriginal, unauthentic, delusory, distorted falsehood. Something that had began as an outlet, had me questioning my entire existence. Let me explain further.
I came onto social media innocent. I was young, I was curious, I was pure. I was free of my depression & anxiety diagnosis. I was fresh meat. I would log in, read post, even post some things & then go on to enjoy my day. Slowly, I began to see a change in myself. I started spending more time on these apps, searching for shit. Searching for attention, seeking validation from complete strangers, thinking I was escaping reality when I was just morphing virtual reality into my actual existence. Don’t mind that it only took 13-15 years later and at this big age of mine to admit any of this. But, it had to be done.
For over a decade, these apps have dictated much of my life. My relationships, both romantic and platonic, my level of success within my careers, where I’d vacation, what I should or shouldn’t do to my hair, what car I should and shouldn’t be driving, and the list goes on. Like do you hear this bullshit? Do you hear how crazy this sounds. Wow, just writing this out, the shallowness has me drowning in embarrassment. For over a decade, I haven’t been my authentic self. My perception vs. my reality has been tampered. If you allow “social media goals” to tell you how to love, versus investing in deep conversations with the people you love, then yes my friend, you will always come up short. Please, touch some grass. And I had to do ALOT of that.
Competing with absolutely no one but always on a hamster wheel. The dream cars, the dream apartments, the aesthetics, questioning my self-worth time and time again. Listen to me, you are NOT behind. You are doing your best. Your journey is just that, YOURS. If you catch yourself unhappy with someone else’s accomplishments, or even trying to follow someone else’s blueprint to seek the gratification that they’ve received, you should probably log off. That is their path, not your own. Virtual reality will have you anxious over things that you don’t even want. Chasing ideas of success you don’t even believe in. Be careful getting swept up in goals that aren’t yours. Stop getting lost online. Stay grounded in what matters to you, the work that matters to you, moments that matter to you.
Social media has given me alot of real things, but it isn’t a real place. It will never be a real place. There is no need to attach identity to any of these apps. Society, TV, social media, whatever- there will always be a thing reminding you how others are living. There will always be collective need to appear better off than the next person. In the past two years, I have learned how to be better with limiting what I share online. Especially the things that I truly love. Keeping what I love sacred and offline has surely been a challenge, but I am learning daily how to get even better at it. Privacy on social media exists on a spectrum. You control the output. Whether you care to be extremely private or open, it’s all up to you. Set the terms. Pick your niche and stick to it. There’s no need to share outside of the niche of your social existence. For example, I have shared alot of myself online, but only the parts that I’d be fine with others conversing about. My gut tells me what belongs online and what doesn’t. It’s super calculated with me. Have I slipped up out of excitement? ABSOLUTELY. And plenty of times. However, I extend myself grace each time and learn from the mistakes that may form from those mishaps.
At this point in my life, my peace and happiness is top priority, and since I am responsible for these parts of my life, I have to protect them at all cost. There is little to no room for error because me spiraling out of control is not an option here. I can and will debate about alot of things in life, but there are just some things that I can no longer bargain on. I have ruined so many beautiful things out of my “love” and obsession with my social media presence. This time around, I will not ruin my relationship, friendships, my career, or my healthy mental state for a few likes and shares on an app where everyone only post the “good” things. I know better now more than ever.
My era of needing to be viewed as this perfect, well rounded independent woman has faded years ago. I am who I am on and offline. I work hard, I live a really blessed life, I am happy and healthy. All of these things that I have shared online is truly me, and really happening in my life. My issue now is that I share entirely TOO MUCH. Some of my most intimate/personal moments have made their way online when they shouldn’t have, and all there is to blame is myself. I cringe at myself daily when I realize that I’ve overshared on a topic, and I ground myself by asking “What satisfaction were you hoping to reach by doing this?” “Are you posting this for yourself, or for others?” “Did you realize that you have jeopardized the safety and trust of your loved ones by doing this?” Being authentic online comes with alot. So these days. I’m just here trying to figure out my “WHY“. Honestly, I truly want to live a happy and private life offline forever. Never to be seen or heard from again. Because, again, validation is for parking babe. Catch me in traffic lol. Respectfully.
Finding inspiration again in my own life. It’s easy to run to social media for a reason to be joyous, and sometimes you do find that reason, but it’s nice to just find my reason in ordinary things again. So, that’s what I’ve committed to doing. I’ve deactivated my social media accounts so many times over the years, for the same exact reasons most of the time. Just needing a break. But, I’d always get back online and repeat the same mistakes over and over again. So the break served absolutely no purpose. But this time, things will be different. I have stepped away from social media as apart of Lent. For forty days, I will do more of what feeds my soul and less of what takes away from it. No Twitter. No Facebook. (I haven’t had an Instagram page in over two years & don’t plan on ever getting back on there.) Tennis, the gym, Pilates, floral arrangements, books, and work will keep me grounded and BUSY.
I know that I’ve been quiet for a while, however, I truly appreciate those who have extended grace and patience my way. I adore my time offline each and everytime and plan to do the same this time around. During this time, I will always make sure my reality is fulfilling, healthy and slow again. Thankful in advance for my new mindset, thankful as always for therapy, for my changed diet, for how often I’ll move and challenge my body, for safe travels, for the quietness and STILL moments, for hard obstacles that may surface, for family and friends, for financial stability, for nature, and for everything else that I’ll touch and repair during this downtime. It is all needed. As always, thanks so much for tuning in this week for a much needed chat. Have a wonderful week ahead my loves.
xoxo, La 💙.
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