GIRL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
In the front seat of the world’s tallest rollercoaster. That’s where. This is the best description that I can provide to sum up life since my last blog post. A combination of joy, peace, grief, anxiety, success, resilience, happiness, completion, elevation, new beginnings and old endings. There’s no way I’d play myself and just drop this entire load in front of you all in hopes that you’d understand and process all that has transpired and just skip to where I am today and boom, MAGIC. Lol, hell no. So I’ll start with the trip and immediately following it.
So let’s see, my last post was back in April as I was preparing for Baecation to Montego Bae. Yes, ya girl flew 1,019 miles to get twisted like a pretzel on the lovely island of Jamaica. And yes, it was so worth it. Jamaica is such a beautiful country. The natives are just as beautiful. So very humble, kind, peaceful and helpful. They made us feel at home and I loved every minute of it.
Traveling has such a big place in my heart. Experiencing the world whether international or domestic is something that I wish on all who is taking the time to read this. For myself, viewing different pieces of the world always centers me. It humbles me in a pretty big way. My travels allow me to see just how ungrateful we can be as humans, and the many things we take for granted daily, like running water, food options, electricity, technology, clothing and many other things that we use daily as “necessities” when there are others around the world who have access to not even 5% of what we have and are extremely grateful and happier than we could ever be. Talk about Americans being privileged and spoiled. Tuhh !
Prior to leaving for Jamaica, I was going over my quarterly goals for 2022 and pulling myself out of a funk regarding the rescinding of a position that I was set to relocate for just one month prior (March). Ya girl got cold feet and honestly, mentally and emotionally, I was unprepared. But at the same time, I was beating myself up because I was unsure if I had made the “right decision”. “What if you never get another offer?” “What if that opportunity was sent from God and you missed your blessing?” “Why couldn’t you have just taken the position and figured life out along the way?” When I say I was all over the place, believe me please lol.
However, I was also aware that what is for me will never miss me, and I sat with that. My mind was made up, I was giving myself until January 2023 to exit the state of Georgia for good. I was totally fine with this time frame. On a whim, and about two weeks prior to leaving for our trip, I applied for a position in my new career field in a state of my choice, not really thinking too much of it. I literally applied and just forgot all about it. Into the universe it went. On the plane to my destination, I received a text from the HR department of the companied that I applied for and an email extending an invitation for an interview the day after I returned from my trip. Talk about “perfect timing“. I shared the news with my man and continued on throughout the trip without responding to the email. And no, the interview invitation wasn’t on my mind at all during the duration of our trip. Again, up in the universe it went.
On our last day in Jamaica, I politely responded to the interview invitation, not putting too much thought into it. If you know me, you know that I am very confident when it comes to my resume, work ethic, education and skills in its entirety. I don’t miss lol. Honestly, truly. And so the date was set and it was time to prepare. But I had no idea just what it was that I was actually preparing myself for.
On May 3, 2022 my world stopped spinning for a moment that felt like forever. I still remember the voicemail and phone call that I received that crushed a huge part of my entire existence. My dog child, my soul mate, my best friend and partner in crime passed away the morning that I was set to pick him up from his doggy hotel. WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, HOW?! I had so many questions and no answers. How was this even possible? He was perfectly fine when I dropped him off. A feeling of automatic guilt hit me and I was immediately regretting taking that trip because “he needed me more”. 12 years of memories flashing before my very eyes. Life at a stand still, if you knew me, you knew Maddix. What was life supposed to be like without Maddix? I was lost. I was hurt. I was angry. I was afraid. I was alone.
For the past 12 years, Maddix depended on me for love, affection, companionship, food, haircuts, walks, surgeries, cuddles, belly rubs, naps, playtime, you name it. He was such a huge part of my life. I was so confused on how to exist without him. Maddix was transported to UGA’s Veterinary School for a necropsy (dog autopsy) to determine his cause of death. YES, I am that dog mom. I knew that there was no way I could move forward without knowing if someone hurt my child, causing his untimely demise. From his necropsy, he went on to be cremated, all of this which was a waiting game. The necropsy results would take about 21 days to be resulted, Maddix was cremated 10 days following his passing and I received his remains on Wednesday 5/18 I believe. Still on pins and needles the entire time. Mind you, my interview took place just 24 hours after Maddix had passed away. Whewwwww, what a time ya’ll. The results were in, and Maddix passed away from natural causes and old age. I was content with this. It was the grieving process easier to accept. But the depression that followed soon after, was so much for me.
In a matter of 14 days following his death, my life ended and began at the exact same time. With all that I was currently enduring, God dropped blessings along the way. One word: Pivot. Life isn’t always about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about dancing in the rain.
Remember me giving myself until January of 2023 to relocate? How about being given until June 7th of 2022? Talk about a plot twist…..
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