DELUSION. FAIRYTALE. EGO.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Wow. This is something that I’ve learned time and time again over the years. And it makes so much sense because if you choose to stay in comfort just out of feeling safe and secure, are you really even living?
I’m sitting here on my couch, staring out of the window, watching the sunlight bounce off of the summer green leaves. The leaves that’ll soon turn burnt orange, or even red, and then, wilt away and die. As crazy as this may sound, I am so excited for the fall. As much as I love the summer, as much as I enjoy my August birthday, I am so looking forward to the fall like weather. The new TV shows that’ll premier, the introduction to this years holiday seasons. All of it. The fall is proof that endings can be beautiful too. And I’m here for it.
I woke up this morning after having a dream about my future wedding. It was so beautiful. And when I woke up, I had to stare around for a second to make sure that I really wasn’t at said wedding because it felt that real. A wedding, but most importantly a healthy marriage is something that I do want for myself in this lifetime and I do know that if it is in God’s plans for me then this is exactly what I’ll get. And if my man just happens to be reading this as well, I pray that this love of ours never expires 🤎.
I want to dive deep into a thought really quickly. Yesterday, I had a really big AH-HA moment. And it allowed me to realize just how shallow I really can be. It’s been about three months since my relocation and as I am finally beginning to settle in and get into life’s newest routine, I had a really big decision to make. Wow, my first big girl decision in my new city. One that could’ve drastically changed the trajectory of my existence here. Now, I may be dramatically dragging it, but would I really who I am if I didn’t bring the drama and theatrics with me? LOL. But seriously, once my mind is made up, it’s made up. I may reach out to my friends or family for an “opinion”, but again, my mind has already been made up and I’m actually just looking to see if you agree with me or not. Once I realize that you don’t, then I’ve already mentally left the convo. VERY SHALLOW. Which is why yesterday after this AH-HA moment, I sat around salty because how did ya’ll really almost let me make such a HORRIBLE decision and not try to convince me otherwise? The moral of this all is just because you can financially afford to make a mistake, that doesn’t mean you should ever try to actually make the mistake. You get what I’m saying?
Society is going to “Black Girl Luxury” and “Soft Girl Era” themselves into tons of debt and they don’t even see it coming. It is disingenuous. Doing it for yourself is one thing, but doing it for the sake of views and likes on social media to look apart of the “Elite” is absurd. Manipulating shit to fit into a lifestyle that you really aren’t living is WILD. The pressure to “contentify” your life to make it consumable to the internet is insane. From relationships, to birthdays, to pregnancies, careers, apartments, The pressure for human beings to turn into brands is both expensive and exhausting and very taxing on your mental and emotional being. Social media has not ruined my reality at all. I laugh, close the apps, and live in the real world. It no longer has control over me, Ya’ll be easy though…
If I had to name this period in my life, I’d title it “Foundation”.
I am in a beautiful period in life where I have made peace with any desire to find comfort or be attached to anything, anyone that does not support this phase of foundational building for me. Life, to me is about navigating through all areas and making sure that I am making the decisions that are beneficial to my future. Even with a positive mindset and a healthy heart and mental, I still catch myself having doubts, lacking faith and displaying moments of fear. It is relatively easy to feel uncertain. You will not always be sure what direction to go in, or what decision to make. It’s okay to be uncertain at times about your life’s journey. However, uncertainty does not mean that you will never find your way. Your quality of life is dependent upon you. Remember, with everything in life, you get what you put out.
Today, I am thankful for my new mindset, thankful for years of therapy, for my MILLIONTH decision to change my diet, for how often I’ve moved and challenged my body, for traveling, for the silence, for the obstacles, for family and friends, for financial stability, for really good credit, for my career, for nature, and for everything else that I’ve repaired. I NEEDED IT.
Having the people that I love around me while I’m on the journey is the most important thing to me. Happy Sunday my loves, remind yourself who the fuck you are today.
xoxo, La.
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